How to Silence a Group of Carolers
Dec. 10th, 2002 03:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spiderdustfrom the book The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays
Turn out the lights.
As soon as you hear or see the carolers coming down the street, douse the lights. A dark house may deter them from stopping, since they think no one is home. Turning out the lights belatedly -- after they have arrived at your door -- will send a strong message, but carolers are frequently very determined.
Turn up your music.
Without opening your door, play CDs at high volume. Speed metal and 1970s rock are likely to be in a different key than the carolers, who will be unable to stay in tune, become discouraged, and depart. If you are listening to Christmas music, shut it off immediately, or they may be encouraged to sing along.
Answer the door in a robe or a towel.
Embarrassed, the carolers may simply leave. Nudity (even partial) may offend them and make them unable to sing. Call to another person inside the house (real or imaginary), "I'll be right back."
Answer the door holding a phone.
Shout, "I can't hear you! There are carolers singing!" into the mouthpiece until the carolers move on.
Bribe them.
Tell them that you would like to make a small donation and that you enjoy their singing -- from a distance.
Request songs they will not know.
The song repertoire of the caroler is generally quite shallow. Good choices to stump the carolers include "Adam Lay Ybounden," "Riu, Chiu," and "The Zither Carol."
Send them to someone else.
Smile and point to the house of a stranger or a neighbor you dislike, and say, "My friend over there really loves carols!" A house that is lavishly decorated for the season will prove irresistible to them.
As soon as you hear or see the carolers coming down the street, douse the lights. A dark house may deter them from stopping, since they think no one is home. Turning out the lights belatedly -- after they have arrived at your door -- will send a strong message, but carolers are frequently very determined.
Without opening your door, play CDs at high volume. Speed metal and 1970s rock are likely to be in a different key than the carolers, who will be unable to stay in tune, become discouraged, and depart. If you are listening to Christmas music, shut it off immediately, or they may be encouraged to sing along.
Embarrassed, the carolers may simply leave. Nudity (even partial) may offend them and make them unable to sing. Call to another person inside the house (real or imaginary), "I'll be right back."
Shout, "I can't hear you! There are carolers singing!" into the mouthpiece until the carolers move on.
Tell them that you would like to make a small donation and that you enjoy their singing -- from a distance.
The song repertoire of the caroler is generally quite shallow. Good choices to stump the carolers include "Adam Lay Ybounden," "Riu, Chiu," and "The Zither Carol."
Smile and point to the house of a stranger or a neighbor you dislike, and say, "My friend over there really loves carols!" A house that is lavishly decorated for the season will prove irresistible to them.
