yielding

[spiderdust]

It's been nearly a month & I have heard nothing. I guess it's truly over.


Praying for myself.
These thoughts I try to hide.
I have faith in me and hope this will survive.
But it's tearing me apart.
I can't hear the words by which I guide.
So I must ask again who will carry me.

I will not deny that nothing can defend
from the helplessness that's cutting deep inside,
and I cannot prevent the thought that nothing's real.
Seems I've waited years for this day to end.

The strength I need to feel, the pride inside of me,
Are not there behind the face staring back at me.
The anger and the pain of knowing where I am.
I have come so far and I cannot return.

Nothing I can do that I have not done.
No words I can say. No truth left that I can see.
So must I let this end so everything falls apart.
Before I live my life as I have always done.

Tell me what to do so I do nothing wrong.
Something I can hope for. Something real that I can see.
So nothing falls apart. So that it does not end.
I cannot return. I can't start again

~

The paths that I once tread have all but gone.
Only embers now smoulder where bridges once burned.
I feel alive and yet I fear what may happen now.
I know I can't return.
And I hear me say again oh let me not return.
Damn the illusions of redemption and the hopes that held me here.
I will oppose all that would befall me.
With this rage inside of me I will defy what I would become.
The solitude and anger that do battle inside me will always guide me to the answers that I know I may not see.
They are the bonds that hold me tighter.
They are the chains that weigh on me.
One day I know they will be gone.
Can I start again and erase this pain by casting doubts into the waters, asking judgement of the sea.
Though fortune may guide the fools, I have no wish to be free until I am gone.