today

[spiderdust]

I'm sure everyone knows by now that the space shuttle Columbia broke apart in the skies this morning while descending home.

I don't know how I feel.

When nexushoratio came into the bedroom & told me, "We've lost another shuttle," it felt like it did the day he came into the bedroom a year & a half ago and said, "Oh my fucking God. Remember the two towers of the World Trade Center? There's only one now."

Then I felt cynical. I thought, "Well, that's certainly a good way to distract people from a war."

Then relief. I remembered how hard my sister tried to get into the space program, before finally giving up & focusing on attending college & majoring in chemistry & philosophy. I think today I'm glad she decided to go to college.

Then I felt angry.
Then despair, when I saw the big blackened smoking patch of ground.
Then worry... "How did this happen?"

And now I don't know how I feel.